I never thought I would have this conversation with my 4 year-old twins. My girls see people as chocolate and vanilla (their favorite ice cream flavors); they focus on conversation starters like “why do I have fingers?” and my response is so you can hold things, write, so on and so forth. My girls’ response is “so they can wear fingernail polish” and then I am asked, “why do we have feet?” I say walk, stand, etc., and their response was “so you can paint your toenails” and then I am asked what do girls need, I say food,shelter, and protection, and they say “make-up”. Clearly, I do not know what girls want, lol, nor do they want to hear about the reality of the world. I did not anticipate having the conversation about the color of their skin and the impact on society for at least another 6 years. Parents of all races are facing questions such as “what do I do next?” I have to give credit to this Caucasian woman, in a recent community zoom call, who said, “I am going to control what I can control, and focus on how my children see the world.” I am not necessarily a front line person, but I feel like my kids would want to know where their Dad stood during this historical moment. For that reason, I will do the same, and help my kids see the world through the lens of all people being equal, but understanding that others may treat them differently because of the color of their skin. What are you going to do to impact positive change? When is the right time to start talking to your kids about race?
Tag Archives: #Raising kids
Identity Theft
From birth, your identity is associated with another person. Everyone says, “You look like your mom”, “You look like your Dad” ironically, for Mackenzie and Madison they look more like their parents then each other. Although they dress alike, and always together, if you just looked at them it would be easy to recognize the resemblance between Mackenzie and her mother; and Madison and myself. Unlike singletons, twins instantly have a best friend and playmate the moment they leave their mother’s womb; however, I feel bad for them, at times, that they do not get to find their true identity until adulthood. Twins are constantly viewed as one; they fight for attention, and want their voices heard. Overlooking or minimizing these details “as just a thing twins do,” would be a mistake, and I feel the constant comparison can lead to envy and jealously. Ideally, in a perfect world, I would like to help them separately recognize their own gifts and talents; however, I struggle finding time to give them their personal Daddy time because I am trying to accommodate both. As I mentioned on an earlier post, I want to please both, but that is just not physically possible to do on a consistent basis. How do you create personal time with multiple kids? For twins, do you feel that it is difficult to create your own identity?
C.O.R.O.N.A(Carrier Offensive Repugnant Objectionable Naive Ailment)
Whatever words you use to describe this pandemic, COVID-19, the official name given by World Health Organization, has sparked a variety of emotions. Most negative, for valid reasons, and if you look at the world as glass half-full, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the fight and creativity that many people have displayed all of the world to support each other by offering several remote services to try and provide a sense of normalcy in a world that is now abnormal. This epidemic has also given me the opportunity to see my girls, and I know that sounds funny, but for some of us, you find yourself just surviving. Day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, I am fortunate to see my girls every day, but I never had a moment to just observe, sit back, and just breathe for a second. Not worried about what I am going to wear to work, gas I need to put in my car, having to rush and pick them up for daycare. And you know what, my girls are amazing. One is funny, at this age they break you down, know your tendencies, and nothing gets past them. The other is just as nonchalant as one can be, but do not make a promise you cannot keep because her memory is like an elephant, and she will call you out in a minute. I do not know how long this new normal will exist, but I am going put all my energy into my girls and be positive. What about you? What are some positive things that you have uncovered about yourself or your children during these times? If you have children 4 years of age or younger, have you spoken to them about COVID-19? If so, how did the conversation go?
Routine is King
One of the major reasons, I believe raising twins has been manageable is the incorporation of routines. The funny thing before getting married and having twins is that I used to be the complete opposite; everything was spontaneous and random. I did not like order, in fact, my order was organized chaos, and as long as it made sense to me, I was moving forward with that activity. When you begin to incorporate kids, in particular twins, your only shot is to have some type of order, process, and plan in place, literally from morning to evening. Every moment (as much as possible) has to be accounted for and random cannot occur or be an option. Especially, if you are by yourself, or even with a partner, it just makes things a lot easier to deal with and a good sign that things are going well is if you forget one of the routines, and your child reminds you, then they begin to anticipate and are bought into the process. What is your routine? What are some things that you have tried to incorporate in your day to day that has been not been effective?
Chronicles of a Twin Dad 