I never thought I would have this conversation with my 4 year-old twins. My girls see people as chocolate and vanilla (their favorite ice cream flavors); they focus on conversation starters like “why do I have fingers?” and my response is so you can hold things, write, so on and so forth. My girls’ response is “so they can wear fingernail polish” and then I am asked, “why do we have feet?” I say walk, stand, etc., and their response was “so you can paint your toenails” and then I am asked what do girls need, I say food,shelter, and protection, and they say “make-up”. Clearly, I do not know what girls want, lol, nor do they want to hear about the reality of the world. I did not anticipate having the conversation about the color of their skin and the impact on society for at least another 6 years. Parents of all races are facing questions such as “what do I do next?” I have to give credit to this Caucasian woman, in a recent community zoom call, who said, “I am going to control what I can control, and focus on how my children see the world.” I am not necessarily a front line person, but I feel like my kids would want to know where their Dad stood during this historical moment. For that reason, I will do the same, and help my kids see the world through the lens of all people being equal, but understanding that others may treat them differently because of the color of their skin. What are you going to do to impact positive change? When is the right time to start talking to your kids about race?
Tag Archives: Raising girls
Identity Theft
From birth, your identity is associated with another person. Everyone says, “You look like your mom”, “You look like your Dad” ironically, for Mackenzie and Madison they look more like their parents then each other. Although they dress alike, and always together, if you just looked at them it would be easy to recognize the resemblance between Mackenzie and her mother; and Madison and myself. Unlike singletons, twins instantly have a best friend and playmate the moment they leave their mother’s womb; however, I feel bad for them, at times, that they do not get to find their true identity until adulthood. Twins are constantly viewed as one; they fight for attention, and want their voices heard. Overlooking or minimizing these details “as just a thing twins do,” would be a mistake, and I feel the constant comparison can lead to envy and jealously. Ideally, in a perfect world, I would like to help them separately recognize their own gifts and talents; however, I struggle finding time to give them their personal Daddy time because I am trying to accommodate both. As I mentioned on an earlier post, I want to please both, but that is just not physically possible to do on a consistent basis. How do you create personal time with multiple kids? For twins, do you feel that it is difficult to create your own identity?
Who am I?
Seeing the birth of your first child is one of the most amazing experiences one could ever imagine, but having two at the same time is unfathomable. I remember growing up in a household of 5 kids, being the oldest, I imagined what my family would look like. Did I want a big or a small family? Did I want all boys or a mixture? What if I never had kids? With all these unsettling questions, what I did know is that whatever God had in store for me I would embrace it. In addition, whether it was one or 5 kids, I would love them all the same, and there will be no room for doubt that love is prevalent in this household. Now fast forward to present day, or actually rewind to 3 years ago when I heard the quote of a lifetime “you’re having twins” Now, I didn’t faint literally, but mentally, I had no idea of what was in store, but all I knew was “this just got real.” For that reason, I was determined to be the best dad I could be and love my babies as hard as I could. Now after three years of on the job training, I feel like I can finally take the training wheels off, but each day humbles me to the reality that they are in control and I am just taking notes.
Chronicles of a Twin Dad 