From birth, your identity is associated with another person. Everyone says, “You look like your mom”, “You look like your Dad” ironically, for Mackenzie and Madison they look more like their parents then each other. Although they dress alike, and always together, if you just looked at them it would be easy to recognize the resemblance between Mackenzie and her mother; and Madison and myself. Unlike singletons, twins instantly have a best friend and playmate the moment they leave their mother’s womb; however, I feel bad for them, at times, that they do not get to find their true identity until adulthood. Twins are constantly viewed as one; they fight for attention, and want their voices heard. Overlooking or minimizing these details “as just a thing twins do,” would be a mistake, and I feel the constant comparison can lead to envy and jealously. Ideally, in a perfect world, I would like to help them separately recognize their own gifts and talents; however, I struggle finding time to give them their personal Daddy time because I am trying to accommodate both. As I mentioned on an earlier post, I want to please both, but that is just not physically possible to do on a consistent basis. How do you create personal time with multiple kids? For twins, do you feel that it is difficult to create your own identity?
Tag Archives: Parenting
Trick or Treat
Some say having twins is a double blessing, and I cannot refute that, but that doesn’t alleviate the added pressure, because if I get this wrong, I ruin the lives of two people, not just one. The natural progression of parenting is with more experience you get better, and unfortunately, but true, the first child experience can be comparable to the probationary period with a new job and as your learning about the job expectations and how you’re a good fit, the employer and colleagues are evaluating you as well. I guess the only difference is that you just can’t just leave if you don’t like it, well actually, I’ll just stop there. Nevertheless, I have high expectations for myself, but I know the only perfect person is GOD. As my parents used to tell me when you are kid, your parents should be your GOD, and I know this may seem controversial to some, but I get the gist, that you have to be a representation of GOD as he has given you a gift and they look to us for everything. If you think about yourself as kid, and how you were completely dependent on your parents, I believe as parents we should cherish that gift. I just hope if my girls read this one day they will know that I gave it my all, and although I made some mistakes along the way, it was done with love, good spirits, and their best interest in mind. What would you want your kids to say about you when they talk to their own children? What traits or characteristics do you hope they emulate of yours? What traits or characteristics do you hope they do not acquire?
Favoritism
Recently, I was picking my girls from daycare, and as we arrived home and I began to start my routine (which is to run open the front door, then go back to car and go on each side unbuckling my girls out the car seat with the anticipation they may run down the street) so I have to be quick on my feet and as well as have my hands free, as I attempt to usher them inside the house. However, this day was different, as I attempted to get Mackenzie out of the car, Madison says to me “why do you always get Mackenzie out of the car first.” I was shocked and stunned. I didn’t know what to say, and as I thought about it, she was probably right, but it wasn’t anything intentional other than Mackenzie is usually eager to get out faster than Madison. This was my first moment of acknowledging how favoritism is not something you can control; however, it is something that as a parent we should always be mindful of that even at 3 years of age, our kids are always watching. From that point on, I make a conscious effort to rotate who I take out of the car. Have you ever had a moment when your child called you out? How did you deal with it? What things do you consciously do to avoid that from happening again?
Who am I?
Seeing the birth of your first child is one of the most amazing experiences one could ever imagine, but having two at the same time is unfathomable. I remember growing up in a household of 5 kids, being the oldest, I imagined what my family would look like. Did I want a big or a small family? Did I want all boys or a mixture? What if I never had kids? With all these unsettling questions, what I did know is that whatever God had in store for me I would embrace it. In addition, whether it was one or 5 kids, I would love them all the same, and there will be no room for doubt that love is prevalent in this household. Now fast forward to present day, or actually rewind to 3 years ago when I heard the quote of a lifetime “you’re having twins” Now, I didn’t faint literally, but mentally, I had no idea of what was in store, but all I knew was “this just got real.” For that reason, I was determined to be the best dad I could be and love my babies as hard as I could. Now after three years of on the job training, I feel like I can finally take the training wheels off, but each day humbles me to the reality that they are in control and I am just taking notes.
Chronicles of a Twin Dad 