From Survival Mode to Grateful Mode: My Return

Not Eminem — it’s me, TwinFada.

Five years later. I got 5 on it, 5 golden hens, whatever “five” analogy you want to throw in there. Things look a lot different now than they did then.

Back in 2020, I wasn’t sure I was even going to make it another five years. There was still no cure, and honestly, I questioned whether it was worth my time to keep documenting my experiences. Who really cared about one man’s parenting journey raising twins? So I turned my focus to what mattered most: spending whatever time I had with my girls.

The truth is, I was scared. Scared of the unknown, of the future, of not being enough. But coming back here — to this forum, this space — reminds me of how much perseverance, growth, trials, and even triumphs have filled those five years.

I’m glad to be back. This time, I plan to share more — what I can remember, what I’ve learned, and most importantly, what I’m grateful for.

See you soon.

— TwinFada

925 Part 2

When life gives you a second chance, give your best shot; fortunately for me he did not shoot, but that did not deter me from having reoccurring thoughts like “what if the guy who approached us was reckless; and killed us.” God’s plan had a greater purpose, and although, at the time, I was unsure and questioning, “why me?”, I am blessed to have the opportunity to write this blog 19 years later. In fact, in 2015, it hit me, as my wife and I were near the end of our pregnancy and made the conclusion that it would be in the best interest that we pursue a C-section. Although the due date was October 8th, with twins full cycle is 38 weeks; for that reason, the doctor had to choose a date, so we can make plans to be ready on that day, and she opted for September 25th. A surreal moment for me; everything became a full circle. All the years of saying “Happy 925 day” to my best friend now had new meaning. I truly understood my purpose and why GOD kept my friend and me alive, which so I can help birth two beautiful girls into the world. You can’t make these things up!

925 Part 1

A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever. Nineteen years ago, the world underwent a massacre that changed the fate of millions. Ironically after the tragedy of 911, I saw a different America that has not been talked about very much. I saw a colorless nation that came together, supported one another, and embraced each other regardless of race, color, or creed. The opposite of what’s going on today. SMH. They say tragedy brings people together, and I believe people the citizens all over this country showed the true definition of Patriotism. On that note, and all the euphoria and sense of pride I had for my country, little did I know, some things were back to normal and my best friend and I both reaped ramifications of it. On the evening of September 25, 2001, as we were attempting to enter his home, a gunman orchestrated an attempt to rob my best friend and me. A lot of questions arose afterward. Why me? Why did we leave the house that night? Maybe we should have fought back? So forth and so on….

Thank you!

Thank you for all you do. There is so much to thank you for and I would be remiss if I omitted one. Nevertheless, as I sit here thinking of the words to say, as a Dad myself, I am thankful you were just around. I remember, at times, getting discouraged that you could not stay up an hour longer to watch the game. As I try to juggle the responsibilities of being a dad, husband, and the breadwinner of the family, I find myself at home always being in work mode and before I can mentally transition, it is time for bed. Then I think of you, the tireless worker that you are, awake or not, I am just thankful that you were around. Happy Father’s Day!

Black or White

I never thought I would have this conversation with my 4 year-old twins. My girls see people as chocolate and vanilla (their favorite ice cream flavors); they focus on conversation starters like “why do I have fingers?” and my response is so you can hold things, write, so on and so forth. My girls’ response is “so they can wear fingernail polish” and then I am asked, “why do we have feet?” I say walk, stand, etc., and their response was “so you can paint your toenails” and then I am asked what do girls need, I say food,shelter, and protection, and they say “make-up”. Clearly, I do not know what girls want, lol, nor do they want to hear about the reality of the world. I did not anticipate having the conversation about the color of their skin and the impact on society for at least another 6 years. Parents of all races are facing questions such as “what do I do next?” I have to give credit to this Caucasian woman, in a recent community zoom call, who said, “I am going to control what I can control, and focus on how my children see the world.” I am not necessarily a front line person, but I feel like my kids would want to know where their Dad stood during this historical moment. For that reason, I will do the same, and help my kids see the world through the lens of all people being equal, but understanding that others may treat them differently because of the color of their skin. What are you going to do to impact positive change? When is the right time to start talking to your kids about race?

Identity Theft

From birth, your identity is associated with another person. Everyone says, “You look like your mom”, “You look like your Dad” ironically, for Mackenzie and Madison they look more like their parents then each other. Although they dress alike, and always together, if you just looked at them it would be easy to recognize the resemblance between Mackenzie and her mother; and Madison and myself.  Unlike singletons, twins instantly have a best friend and playmate the moment they leave their mother’s womb; however, I feel bad for them, at times, that they do not get to find their true identity until adulthood. Twins are constantly viewed as one; they fight for attention, and want their voices heard. Overlooking or minimizing these details “as just a thing twins do,” would be a mistake, and I feel the constant comparison can lead to envy and jealously. Ideally, in a perfect world, I would like to help them separately recognize their own gifts and talents; however, I struggle finding time to give them their personal Daddy time because I am trying to accommodate both. As I mentioned on an earlier post, I want to please both, but that is just not physically possible to do on a consistent basis. How do you create personal time with multiple kids? For twins, do you feel that it is difficult to create your own identity?

C.O.R.O.N.A(Carrier Offensive Repugnant Objectionable Naive Ailment)

Whatever words you use to describe this pandemic, COVID-19, the official name given by World Health Organization, has sparked a variety of emotions. Most negative, for valid reasons, and if you look at the world as glass half-full, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the fight and creativity that many people have displayed all of the world to support each other by offering several remote services to try and provide a sense of normalcy in a world that is now abnormal. This epidemic has also given me the opportunity to see my girls, and I know that sounds funny, but for some of us, you find yourself just surviving. Day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, I am fortunate to see my girls every day, but I never had a moment to just observe, sit back, and just breathe for a second. Not worried about what I am going to wear to work, gas I need to put in my car, having to rush and pick them up for daycare. And you know what, my girls are amazing. One is funny, at this age they break you down, know your tendencies, and nothing gets past them. The other is just as nonchalant as one can be, but do not make a promise you cannot keep because her memory is like an elephant, and she will call you out in a minute. I do not know how long this new normal will exist, but I am going put all my energy into my girls and be positive. What about you? What are some positive things that you have uncovered about yourself or your children during these times? If you have children 4 years of age or younger, have you spoken to them about COVID-19? If so, how did the conversation go?

Wake Up Time!

I never been a morning person, and the fact that I’ve been able to sustain this level of commitment to start my day before 8am, especially on a non-work day is surprising. I remember as a kid sleeping until noon sometimes, they just don’t make kids the same way anymore. LOL. For that reason, I truly believe sleep has become my new pastime, and I can nap with the best of them. Maybe, I’m just getting old or life as a twin parent naturally makes you sleep deprived. However, if you think about their situation, when you are sleeping or attempting to sleep, and someone else in the room is either crying in your ear, making loud noises, or nudging you to wake up as well that must be difficult. In other words, 1 plus 1 is two, when one wakes up the other is more likely to wake up soon afterwards. During the morning routine of getting them up and ready for the day or school, the girls have now connected this period as “wake up time”. Sometimes before bedtime or in the middle of the night they would ask about the next day and say is it “wake up time yet?” or make other inquiries. With that being said, as parent of twins, newborns or toddlers, how do you make time for sleep? Do you sleep with your kid or do you encourage them to sleep in a separate room?

Trick or Treat

Some say having twins is a double blessing, and I cannot refute that, but that doesn’t alleviate the added pressure, because if I get this wrong, I ruin the lives of two people, not just one. The natural progression of parenting is with more experience you get better, and unfortunately, but true, the first child experience can be comparable to the probationary period with a new job and as your learning about the job expectations and how you’re a good fit, the employer and colleagues are evaluating you as well. I guess the only difference is that you just can’t just leave if you don’t like it, well actually, I’ll just stop there. Nevertheless, I have high expectations for myself, but I know the only perfect person is GOD. As my parents used to tell me when you are kid, your parents should be your GOD, and I know this may seem controversial to some, but I get the gist, that you have to be a representation of GOD as he has given you a gift and they look to us for everything. If you think about yourself as kid, and how you were completely dependent on your parents, I believe as parents we should cherish that gift. I just hope if my girls read this one day they will know that I gave it my all, and although I made some mistakes along the way, it was done with love, good spirits, and their best interest in mind. What would you want your kids to say about you when they talk to their own children? What traits or characteristics do you hope they emulate of yours? What traits or characteristics do you hope they do not acquire?

Routine is King

One of the major reasons, I believe raising twins has been manageable is the incorporation of routines. The funny thing before getting married and having twins is that I used to be the complete opposite; everything was spontaneous and random. I did not like order, in fact, my order was organized chaos, and as long as it made sense to me, I was moving forward with that activity. When you begin to incorporate kids, in particular twins, your only shot is to have some type of order, process, and plan in place, literally from morning to evening. Every moment (as much as possible) has to be accounted for and random cannot occur or be an option. Especially, if you are by yourself, or even with a partner, it just makes things a lot easier to deal with and a good sign that things are going well is if you forget one of the routines, and your child reminds you, then they begin to anticipate and are bought into the process. What is your routine? What are some things that you have tried to incorporate in your day to day that has been not been effective?